A breakup can be a fast descent into a pit of pain. It can leave you stunned, lost, confused and not knowing which way is up. Or what to do to navigate this.
No contact is talked about a lot in breakup circles. Meaning you block your ex everywhere you can. So you can’t see what they are doing, and you make it hard to reach out to them.
Is this a good strategy? Yes it is! Creating no contact is a powerful step to start choosing yourself and finding your way out of the pain and confusion.
No contact is not the whole answer, it’s a part of the answer, It's the space you gift yourself to find the way forward. No contact is NOT a covert manipulation that you direct towards your ex…it's NOT your withdrawing in the hope they will miss you and realize that they want you back..
What it is, is making a deliberate choice to step back, create space, and start the climb towards healing and personal growth.
I’ve been thinking about the road to having closure on the relationship like the old game of snakes and ladders. Every day you’ll make some progress, it can be slow, but you are moving towards that closure.
The temptation to reach out to your ex is like landing on a snake's head. It might seem like a shortcut to some inner peace. However, in most cases, it leads to sliding back down to the initial stages of heartache.
No contact is what blocks off the snakes, so you can make the slow day by day journey back to yourself. So you are not tempted, not drawn into backsliding into reopening the wounds. It’s a decision you make when you are clear headed, that will guide you in moments of weakness, when it's hard to make the right decision for yourself.
So what do you do with the space you have given yourself? It’s not enough to just go no contact, if your focus is on them, wondering what they are thinking, if they are missing you, if they are curious about what you are feeling, then you are still stuck with your life energy focused on them. There is no way forward there.
The way forward is to focus on yourself. What do you want? What was your part in the relationship, what can you learn, what can you take responsibility for? That is where you really start moving back to being fully inside your own being again. Clarity and accountability with yourself is powerful. It can be hard medicine for sure, but that is your job right now.
So what are the ladders? How do you land on them?
Getting to the ladders comes from getting help. Coaching/therapy whatever calls you, those are the things that will give you insight, that will allow you to ascend fast, get to the completion of the grieving process. and you can have moments of insight and realize where you can prance up the ladder. It's hard to do that for yourself, a skilled coach can guide you to unravel all the things you feel so you don’t have to suffer a moment longer than is needed.Â
Without help, it will be a long slow plod, as if you are rolling ones and twos on the dice every day. Of course it’s possible to get to the end. It's just slow.
If you’d like to start finding your ladders to get to wholeness faster, book a call with me.. and see if we would be a good fit to work together.