Love bombing only works if you need it.
For men. Why do you love bomb a woman and then pull back? Then out of the blue comes back again and it is just like a vicious cycle. This went on for two years with me.
There is a lot of talk about love bombing… see the above post. And mostly around the question of why??
But I see the why coming from a place of why did they do that to me? A better question is why did they do that? It’s a simple answer.
People (both men and women) who are insecure and carrying shame do love bombing. It’s a smoke screen a tactic, to get what they want without having to reveal anything. So they get your attention, big time and you are so blinded by the onslaught that you can’t see anything else. You lap it up and they get to fly under the radar.
That’s all you ever need to know from their side. If you keep asking why you drive yourself crazy, lost in a hall of mirrors. They are so driven by the fear of being found out that they don’t understand it… so why would you think that you could?
The best question to ask is…. Why did it work with me?
Because loving bombing only works if you need it.
Imagine yourself as solid in yourself. You’ve done your work to the point where you're comfortable in your skin. You dig the way you show up in the world, and you have faith that whatever life throws at you, you’ll figure it out. Might be messy for a while, but that’s ok.
Then some person arrives in your orbit. They are charming and sweet, text you 10 times a day, tell you that you are the best. The most pretty/handsome person they have ever met. They want to spend every moment they can with you. They are full of praise and support. They tell you that you are wonderful.
Your reaction would likely be… ahhh, thanks for noticing. I am pretty damn cool as it turns out. And then your reaction would be…. And back off a little. Just tone it down for the love of god!
Why is that your reaction? Because what they are serving up to you, is not something you need. In fact it feels intrusive and kinda creepy. There is no lack in you that they can fill. You already got yourself.
Contrast this with a version of yourself who is uncertain, not sure you are good enough, pretty enough, strong enough. A version of you that feels kinda empty, scared, unsafe. There is a hole in your being that you haven't yet learned to fill up yourself.
Then the love bombing can come in, it comes in like a freight train. You want that attention and validation so deeply that you don’t have the capacity to filter and see clearly. And before you know it you are all caught up with them.
I mean no judgment here, I’ve been in that place. So vulnerable and so wanting reassurance. It’s just a matter of clarity. To recognize and acknowledge that need in yourself. That is the beginning.
Because you can’t do a damn thing about the love bomber. Just see theri tactics as soon as possible
There is everything you can do for yourself. With whatever you need to change and transform in yourself. That is where the growth is.
If you are ready to explore this in yourself, book a call with me and see if we are a good fit to work together. I would love to help you be free of being vulnerable to love bombing.